41 ways to melt a woman’s heart

Desi poate ca multi nu ar posta asa ceva, pt ca ar spune ca e mai bine sa pastreze pt ei, eu am sa pun, sa fie la dispozitia a cat mai multi oameni. Nu e neaparat ca o femeie sa fie placut impresionata la toate sfaturile de mai jos, dar ar trebui sa fie cel putin la jumatate din ele. 41 de moduri de a topi inima unei femei.

Fifty mistakes women make when having sex

1. Assuming he can get a raging hard on when it suits you. Contrary to popular belief

De ce nu-s toate fetele asa ?

Post pt pizde

Simtiti-va bine !

WOMEN

Women have strengths that amaze men.

They carry children, they carry hardships, they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.

Women wait by the phone for a “safe at home call” from a friend after a snowy drive home.

Women have special qualities about them.

They volunteer for good causes.

They are pink ladies in hospitals, they bring food to shut ins.

They are child care workers, executives, attorneys, stay-at-home moms, biker babes and your neighbors.

They wear suits, jeans, and they wear uniforms.

They fight for what they believe in.

They stand up for injustice.

They are in the front row at PTA meetings.

They vote for the person that will do the best job for family issues.

They walk and talk the extra mile to get their children in the Right school and for getting their family the right health care.

They write to the editor, their congressmen and to the “powers that be” for things that make for a better life.

They don’t take “no” for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.

They do without new shoes so their children can have them.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving.

They are smart, knowing that knowledge is power.

But they still know how to use their softer side to make a point.

Women want to be the best for their family, their friends, and themselves.

They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about a birth or a new marriage.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.

A woman’s touch can cure any ailment.

They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.

She can make a romantic evening unforgettable.

Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes.

They live in homes, apartments and cabins.

They drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin!

Women do more than just give birth.

They bring joy and hope.

They give compassion and ideals.

They give moral support to their family and friends.

And all they want back is a hug, a smile and for you to do the same to people you come in contact with.

MEN

Men are good at lifting heavy stuff.

40 Mistakes men make while having sex with women

1) NOT KISSING FIRST.
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her
feel like you’re paying by the hour and trying to get your money’s worth by
cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of
foreplay.

Things A Guy DOESN’T Wish Women Knew

• Not all of us like sports. We just pretend to to seem more manly.
• We secretly memorize everything you wear.
• Don’t tell us to tell you if you look bad. Just… stop. We won’t. Ever. Under no circumstances.
• Likewise, we’ll never tell you when you’re wrong. Couches aren’t comfortable, for this is our destination when we tell you you’re wrong, especially that happy little time that comes about once a month.
• Not all guys are afraid of commitment.
• Likewise, not all guys want to take advantage of you so please, for the love of god, get over your “I hate men” bitching.
• There are things we don’t want you to do. We’ll never tell you.
• We really do think you’re cute when you’re tired.
• But you’re never cute when you’re mad at us. Never.
• Honestly, we really do think all girls are uglier than you. It’s how our brains work. So quit asking.
• Don’t ever come over and not want to cuddle or kiss.
• We secretly wish that you’d pick us over your friends, and when you don’t we’re secretly bummed.
• Muscle-y women are gross, disgusting, and all together vile. No cushion for the pushin’? Get out!
• Sometimes the only things that motivate us to even try at all in school are our wonderful girlfriends.
• We hate when you go on vacation without us and leave us all alone!
• Really, we hate when you do anything without us. (but we’ll never tell!)
• We hate the roads conversations take when you girls utter the words “I’m fine, I guess.”
• Oh, and we hate it when we can’t cheer you up. Throw us a bone, for goodness sake!
• We say you don’t need to dress up for us or wear makeup for us… but we sure would like you too!
• Never roll your eyes at us.
• We’re not kidding when we say we’ll trash any guy that looks at you.
  • And if any guy puts his arm around you that’s not my clone or me in a mirror, his head will emblazon the pike in my front yard.
• Whisper in our ear!
• Come behind US and hug us. It doesn’t always have to be us that does that to you!
• Tell us when we smell, please. We can’t tell and our guy friends don’t realize it.
• However, we’ll never tell you if you smell. See above.
  • But please don’t smell, we have this concept in our mind that girls are supposed to smell like flowers and sunshine.
    • Don’t shatter our concepts!
• When your boyfriend is a nerd, the least you can do is pretend to listen to him when he attempts to tell a funny story about his guild in World of Warcraft, or attempts to explain the physics of a tachyon.
• Oh, and nerds really are better lovers.
  • Plus, we’ll make a lot of money when we’re older, and chances are your football player boyfriend is gonna be bagging my groceries.

Banc

Trei femei vor sa treaca Nilul, exact in perioada aceea plina de crocodili.la mal un mormoloc fermecat le zise k daca il scoate din mocirla ii indeplineste la fiecare cate o dorinta…zis si facut.
Prima: sa inot repede sa trec Nilul!
-nici nu ajunge la jumatea nilului ..au halit-o crocodilii.
A doua: sa inot de 2 ori mai repede k prima!
-aproape de mal…a halit-o crocodilul.
A treia: vreau sa fiu barbat!
-aaa…uite podul.. ce proaste-s femeile!

Absorbante pt barbati

Nu pot si nici nu imi doresc sa inteleg de ce s-ar fi inventat absorbantele pt barbati si cine le-ar folosi. I mean.. WTF !?

Sursa.

Psycho chicks

Pizde .

Femei vs. Barbati

Regulile femeilor:

1. Suna! Daca se poate, de mai mult de 24 de ori pe zi.

2. Nu minti!

3. Daca inregistrezi o partida de sex, ai grija sa o faci dintr-un unghi din care nu i se vede fata.

4. Daca intalnirile cu baietii sunt atat de distractive, invitati si femei.

5. Daca rolul femeilor invitate la petrecerile voastre este sa faca striptease, eventual costumate in feline, nu uitati cea mai importanta regula “zoo”: Fara petting!

6. Raspunsul corect la intrebarea “Crezi ca sunt grasa?” este intotdeauna “Nu!”

7. Cum vei raspunde la intrebarea “Crezi ca ea arata mai bine decat mine?”

8. A-i suporta cheltuielile la restaurant, e bine. A-i spune ce sa comande, e rau.

10. A fi atent cu ea, e bine. A fi posesiv, e rau.

11. A vorbi, e bine. A racni, e rau. A lovi, e delict.

12. O grimasa este rareori acceptabila in locul unui raspuns verbal la o intrebare.

13. Niciuna dintre fostele tale iubite nu a fost mai buna, mai frumoasa si mai priceputa in pat decat ea.

14. Ea gateste excelent. Intotdeauna!

15. Asta nu este o scuza pentru ca tu sa nu gatesti.

16. Parfumul nu acopera transpiratia.

17 Faptul ca platesti cina voastra romantica, nu te scuteste de preludiul care ar trebui sa ii urmeze.

18. A raspunde “Nimeni” la intrebarea “Cine te-a sunat in miez de noapte?”, nu inseamna ca ai scapat de conversatie.

19. Cod: ciorapi curati. Parola: ciorapi imperecheati corect.

20. Gresesti!

21. Ai remuscari!

22. Ea este cu mult mai putin interesata de ceea ce ii spui cand va aflati in masina ta cool, decat iti imaginezi.

23. Idem pentru discursul tau din timpul meciurilor de fotbal.

24. “Accepti sa te casatoresti cu mine?” e bine. “Ai chef sa ne-o tragem?” e rau.

25. Nu presupune ca sindromul premenstrual este cauza tuturor starilor ei proaste.

26. Nu te comporta ca si cand sindromul premenstrual nu exista.

27. “NU” inseamna “NU”, “DA” inseamna “DA”, iar tacerea poate insemna orice, cu mentiunea ca starile de moment se pot schimba brusc, fara avertizare.

28. Nu o lasa niciodata sa iasa singura dupa ora 23.00.

29. Cavalerismul si feminismul nu se exclud reciproc.

30. Daca vrei sa te desparti de ea, fa-o, nu te comporta in asa fel incat sa o obligi sa faca ea asta.

31. Nu ii spune ca o iubesti, daca nu crezi ce spui.

32. Spune-i mereu ca o iubesti, daca simti ce spui.

33. Nu uita datele evenimentelor importante ale anului: aniversarea ei, Valentine’s Day, 1 martie, 8 martie, onomastica ei, Craciunul etc.

34. Nu ii da sfaturi despre cum crezi tu ca ar fi bine sa se imbrace, coafeze, comporte.

35. Nu iti lasa prietenii sa i se adreseze in mod inadecvat. Riposteaza in prezenta ei.

36. Daca iti permiti sa ignori schimbarile ei de look, inseamna ca esti pregatiti sa suporti consecintele.

37. Ea are voie intotdeauna sa planga, tu nu ai niciodata voie sa i te plangi.

38. Nu stabili o intalnire, daca nu esti capabil sa ajungi la timp.

39. Daca te insala si nu afli, nu inseamna ca nu face nimic rau.

40. Cand isi cere scuze, ar fi bine sa creada ce spune.

Regulile barbatilor:

1. Daca ai de gand sa ii pregatesti o cina romantica, asigura-te ca incluzi cel putin 4 dintre specialitatile lui favorite in meniu: carne, cartofi prajiti, bere si vin rosu.

2. Nu il pune sa iti care geanta in mall.

3. Shopping-ul nu este fascinant pentru el.

4. Cand te intreaba daca ai accepta un menage a trois impreuna cu prietena ta cea mai buna, glumeste…

5. Asta in cazul in care raspunsul nu este afirmativ…

6. In ce context are voie sa inregistreze o partida de sex?

7. Daca vrei o relatie cu un tip de treaba, renunta sa te mai intalnesti cu cretini care arata bine.

8. Nu este nimic amuzant in a i te plange in gura mare ca tipul de 2 m din spatele vostru te-a fluierat.

9. Banii nu sunt un sinonim pentru dragoste. Nici macar in America.

10. Orice incercare a unui barbat de a gati, ar trebui privita cu aceeasi indulgenta cu care o mama isi priveste copilul mergand pentru prima data.

11. Toate supermodelele cu patratele pe abdomen si corp lucios sunt gay. Resemneaza-te!

12. Ai fost auzita din prima!

13. Nu l-ar deranja sa te auda propunandu-i o intalnire. Treaba lui daca accepta sau nu.

14. Daca vrei sinceritate, nu incerca sa afli raspunsuri pe care in realitate nu ai vrea sa le cunosti.

15. Evident ca mai vrea o bere!

16. Cainii sunt buni, pisicile sunt rele.

17. Atacurile fizice in zona inferioara abdomenului nu sunt niciodata amuzante.

18. Daca ti-ai dori sa vizioneze “Legendele Toamnei” impreuna cu tine, va trebui sa vizionezi “Showgirls” impreuna cu el.

19. “Fie” sau “Ma rog” nu sunt raspunsuri acceptabile pentru a incheia o cearta.

20. Nu contesta abilitatie native ale unui barbat de a conduce, prin a-i sugera sa se opreasca pentru indicatii.

21. Nu se uita la cealalta femeie.

22. Ok, poate putin…

23. Ok, si ce daca? Se holba la ea. Mare lucru! Spune ca nu ai tras niciodata cu ochiul la alt barbat in timp ce erai cu el.

24. Este cel mai mucalit, puternic, sexy si apreciat barbat pe care l-ai cunoscut vreodata.

25. Si toti prietenii tai sunt de aceeasi parere. Mai cu seama cei care arata bine.

26. Sanii, fundul, parul, machiajul, picioarele tale arata bine. De fapt, esti superba. Inceteaza sa mai intrebi!

27. Daca vrei o viata sexuala satisfacatoare, nu mai mima orgasmul.

28. Nu ii sunt necesare detaliile despre menstruatia ta.

29. Doua cuvinte: sex oral. Invata, permite, accepta!

30. Da, Pamela Anderson, Nicoleta Luciu, Angelina Jolie arata mult mai bine decat tine. Asa cum Brad Pitt, Keanu Reeves si George Clooney arata mult mai bine decat el. Insa cum niciunul dintre voi nu va avea ocazia sa se intalneasca cu acesti oameni, iubeste-ti aproapele.

31. Sigur ca marimea conteaza. Daca ar fi sa se stabileasca un top in acest sens, cine ar fi pe primul loc?

32. Chelia, burta plina cu bere, ochelarii, toate acestea sunt ale lui, iar imaginea de ansamblu arata foarte bine.

33. Nu, nu vrea sa ramaneti doar prieteni.

34. Nu este o regula sa te sune dupa prima intalnire. Daca nu se intampla, e posibil sa iti fi pierdut numarul de telefon, asa ca ai putea sa il ajuti in acest sens.

35. Intelege ca exista barbati care nu mint in masura in care exista barbati care nu insala.

36. Nu orice “Te iubesc” trebuie sa fie insotit de un inel.

37. Daca nu ai primit un inel, nu inseamna ca nu trebuie sa il iubesti.

38. Nu astepta sa ti se ceara sfaturi pentru probleme care nu te privesc.

39. Nu da sfaturi in ideea ca el nu indrazneste sa ti le ceara, desi le asteapta.

40. Daca esti inselata si nu afli, nu inseamna ca a facut ceva rau.