1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour.

2. Always toast before doing a shot.

3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.

4. Change your toast at least once a month.

5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.

6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.

7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.

8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.

9. Get the bartender’s attention with eye contact and a smile.

10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.

11. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot: Great, now I’m going to get drunk. I hate shots. It’s coming back up.

12. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.

13. If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He’ll get the message.

14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.

15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.

16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.

17. If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade your liquor preference.

18. Always have a corkscrew in your house.

19. If you don’t have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen.

20. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.

21. Our parents were better drinkers than we are.

22. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you’re doing the same thing—urinating, waiting in line or washing your hands.

23. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom. Men do not.

24. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.

25. It is only permissible to shout ‘woo-hoo!’ if you are doing a shot with four or more people.

26. If there is a d.j., you can request a song only once per night. If he doesn’t play it within half an hour, do not approach him again. If he does play it, do not approach him again.

27. Learn how to make a rose out of a bar napkin. You’ll be surprised how well it works.

28. If you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.

29. If you owe someone twenty dollars or less, you may pay them back in beer.

30. Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink.

31. If you have been roommates with someone more than six months, you may drink all their beer, even if it’s hidden, as long as you leave them one.

32. You can have a shot of their hard liquor only if the cap has been cracked and the bottle goes for less than $25.

33. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor.

34. If you bring Old Milwaukee to a party, you must drink at least two cans before you start drinking the imported beer in the fridge.

35. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it.

36. If you ever feel depressed, get out a bartender’s guide and browse through all the drinks you’ve never tried.

37. Try one new drink each week.

38. If you are the bar’s sole customer, you are obliged to make small talk with the bartender until he stops acknowledging you. Then you’re off the hook. The same goes for him.

39. Never tip with coins that have touched you. If your change is $1.50, you can tellthe barmaid to keep the change, but once she has handed it to you, you cannot give it back. To a bartender or cocktail waitress, small change has no value.

40. If you have ever told a bartender, “Hey, it all spends the same,” then you are a cheap ass.

41. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking.

42. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink to their mouth.

43. A bar is a college, not a nursery. If you spill a beer, clean it up. If you break a glass, wait for a staff member to clean it up, then blame it on someone else.

44. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it.

45. It’s okay to drink alone.

46. After three drinks, you will forget a woman’s name two seconds after she tells you. The rest of the night you will call her “baby” or “darling”.

47. Nothing screams ‘nancy boy’ louder than swirling an oversized brandy snifter.

48. Men don’t drink from straws. Unless you’re doing a Mind or Face Eraser.

49. If you do a shot, finish it. If you don’t plan to finish it, don’t accept it.

50. Never brood in a dance bar. Never dance in a dive bar.

51. Never play more than three songs by the same artist in a row.

52. Your songs will come on as you’re leaving the bar.

53. Never yell out jukebox selections to someone you don’t know.

54. Never lie in a bar. You may, however, grossly exaggerate and lean.

55. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English.

56. Screaming, “Someone buy me a drink!” has never worked.

57. For every drink, there is a five percent better chance you will get in a fight. There is also a three percent better chance you will lose the fight.

58. Fighting an extremely drunk person when you are sober is hilarious.

59. If you are broke and a friend is “sporting you”, you must laugh at all his jokes and play wingman when he makes his move.

60. If you are broke and a friend is “making sport of you”, you may steal any drink he leaves unattended.

61. Never rest your head on a table or bar top. It is the equivalent of voluntarily putting your head on a chopping block.

62. If you are trading rounds with a friend and he asks if you’re ready for another, always say yes. Once you fall out of sync you will end up buying more drinks than him.

63. If you’re going to hit on a member of the bar staff, make sure you tip well before and after, regardless of her response.

64. The people with the most money are rarely the best tippers.

65. Before you die, single-handedly make one decent martini.

66. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, “I’m an idiot.”

67. Never ask a bartender “what’s good tonight?” They do not fly in the scotch fresh from the coast every morning.

68. If there is a line for drinks, get your goddamn drink and step the hell away from the bar.

69. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.

70. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your fathers and mothers, your brothers and sisters. Except you get to sleep with these sisters. And if you’re really drunk, the mothers.

71. It’s acceptable, traditional in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking. You will appear mysterious and your friends will understand. If they even notice.

72. Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you’re hammered and they’re sober. It’s akin to a precocious five-year-old arguing the super-string theory with a physicist. 99.9% of the time you’re wrong and either way you’re going to come off as a jackass.

73. If you bring booze to a party, you must drink it or leave it.

74. If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender looks at you, you do not deserve a drink.

75. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious.

76. The greatest thing a drunkard can do is buy a round of drinks for a packed bar.

77. Never preface a conversation with a bartender with “I know this is going to be a hassle, but . . .”

78. When you’re in a bar and drunk, your boss is just another guy begging for a fat lip. Unless he’s buying.

79. If you are 86’d, do not return for at least three months. To come back sooner makes it appear no other bar wants you.

80. Anyone with three or more drinks in his hands has the right of way.

81. If you’re going to drink on the job, drink vodka. It’s the no-tell liquor.

82. There’s nothing wrong with drinking before noon. Especially if you’re supposed to be at work.

83. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call.

84. A flask engraved with a personal message is one of the best gifts you can ever give. And make sure there’s something in it.

85. On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss.

86. You will forget every one of these rules by your fifth drink.

De asta stateau unii oameni 5 minute in cabina de vot desi erau doar 2 optiuni. Acum inteleg.

later edit :

Deci nu cred! E absolut incredibil. Mai bine admit ca Vadim nu e nebun. Pupii, ne vedem in alta tara.

P.S. Noi tot intre a giant douche and a turd sandwich am avut de ales. Enjoy.

Nu cred ca plange IAR ! ) Probabil pentru el, asta e argumentul suprem, altul mai bun oricum nu are. Daca eu convertesc un .mp3 intr-un .wav sau viceversa, tot editare computerizata se cheama si nu inseamna absolut deloc ca am modificat in vreun fel continutul, asa ca super expertiza lu’ peste prajit (efectuata in trei zile, timp SUFICIENT sa analizezi tot, nu? Nu.) are o credibilitate care tinde spre 0 But hey, daca plangi putin la final probabil mai faci rost de cateva voturi de la unii care chiar pun botul la asa ceva. Si pentru astia pentru care exista doar doua variante: daca esti pro Basescu inseamna ca esti anti Geoana si invers, nu sunt fana PSD si simplul fapt ca mi se pare patetic acest personaj de la CARMA tarii nu e sinonimic cu a considera ca devin unul din aplaudacii lu’ Mircea. And btw, un aviz nu e proba in instanta, so good luck on that one

Maine la dezbatere: choke choke choke cry cry cry ! Ca Oceana aia sau whoever

Sincer, nu stiu si nici nu ma intereseaza prea tare motivatia gestului, daca e trucaj, netrucaj, harbuz, pinguini etc. Dar il fac public asa, de fantezie, ca nu mai vreau 5 ani cu el

Oarecum off-topic: mi-a placut mult declaratia din seara asta referitoare la momentul in care ‘a aflat’ de intrarea Romaniei in criza; cica ar fi fost constient de chestia asta incepand cu IANUARIE 2009. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! Buna asta Probabil ca toti fraierii din alte tari care se agitau maxim ca va veni recesiunea peste ei trageau duble pentru un film prost, nu? We are SO screwed.

P.S. Tot primesc mass-uri cu asta:

Dear God,

So far this year you have taken away my favorite dancer Michael Jackson, my favorite actor Patrick Swayze, my favorite singer Stephen Gately and my favorite actress Farah Fawcett. Just so you know, my favorite politician is Traian Basescu. Regards.

O fi bine ?

In aceasta mirifica zi de 22 noiembrie 2009, mi s-a demonstrat (daca mai era nevoie de vreo confirmare) ca ne meritam soarta. Suntem niste handicapati si nu avem ABSOLUT nicio scuza pentru chestia asta. Dupa ce am stat O ORA la coada ca sa-mi exercit un drept, cel de a vota, constat ca ultimii 5 ani de zile n-au fost de ajuns pentru ca aceasta tara sa nu mai existe. Ascult declaratiile ‘finalistilor’ si nu imi vine sa cred seninatatea cu care vorbeste Basescu despre referendum, ca si cand ar fi fost altceva decat o manevra ieftina sa-i prosteasca pe prosti si sa-i faca sa mearga toti in haite la vot pe principiul ‘Daaaaaa, hai sa votam cu Basescu, ca el e nenea bun si vrea sa reduca numarul de parlamentari ca sa beneficiem noi de prosperitate !’. Astia sunt normali ?! Astia cred cu adevarat ca ‘economiile’ survenite in urma micsorarii locurilor in parlament or sa intre in buzunarele lor VREODATA in viata asta ?! Au impresia ca or sa primeasca intr-un plic acasa in fiecare luna cate 1 leu pentru ca unii care nu s-au mai saturat de atata huzur in ultimii ani TEORETIC nu-si mai primesc leafa ?! Sa fim seriosi, romanul e inventiv, iar politicianul roman e hot inventiv asa ca, nicio problema, gaseste el o metoda sa-si bage banutii aia CUMVA in buzunarelul deja prea burdusit. Ce sa ma mai mir si sa ma mai enervez ca tara asta se indreapta cu 100km/h spre ruinare cand sunt atatia care ar vota si cu piticul porno atata timp cat se vad cu o stampiluta draguta in mana stanga si cu un mic moca in aia dreapta ?!

Ma revolta in momentul asta orice fiinta care a pus stampila pe exponentul PD-L pentru simplul motiv ca a initiat o masura prin care or sa fie, repet TEORETIC, mai putini sforaitori care sa reprezinte prostimea poporul. Cand o sa se frasuiasca magistral si o sa faca uitat rezultatul referendumului si or sa ramana tot atatia in parlament ce-o sa faceti ? O sa va prindeti de cur si o sa sariti in sus, fix asta o sa faceti. Sau ce, credeti ca nu poate sa schimbe soarta referendumului? Care a fost prima lege pe care a promulgat-o cand s-a vazut presedinte? A marit durata mandatului la 5 ani, sa fie sigur ca are un an in plus in care sa fure. Sunteti convinsi ca prima si prima lege pe care o s-o promulge acum (in cazul catastrofal in care ar obtine mandatul din nou) o sa fie ‘mai putini de-ai mei in parlament’? Hahahaha! Acuma serios, a observat cineva ca Basescu s-a bazat in totalitate pe rahatul asta referendum? Am inteles, e nasol cu ‘Romania bunului simt’, cu ‘Va dau tara inapoi’, cu toate astea; dar s-a folosit de ORICE ALTCEVA ca sa atraga electoratul ?! BINEINTELES CA NU! Luati de-aici doua buletine de vot in plus si stampilati-ma! Ma revolta profund oricine s-a lasat fraierit de trucul asta de trei lei treizeci. O sa aveti parte de o mare bucurie care rimeaza cu UE. HAHAHA, ce bune sunt glumele mele!

Veti trai bine cu certitudine. Doar vor fi mai putini parlamentari. Felicitarile mele pentru vot.

P.S. Ma enerveaza peste masura: Traian Basescu, Emil Boc, Radu Berceanu, Adriean Videanu, Elena Udrea si Sever Voinescu.